Relational Thriving at Work
“It’s not what you know, but who you know.”
We’ve all heard it, usually with a wince or a sarcastic eyeroll. It can sound snobbish or transactional, like success is just about collecting influential contacts. But that line can mean something much deeper and far more human. Organizational psychology research actually gives us a richer, more hopeful interpretation.
Connection can be instrumental, sure. But it is also profoundly psychological. It’s about being known and understood, being accepted and accepting others in return. In the workplace, these bonds take the form of mentorship, leadership, allyship, sponsorship, and (even) friendship. They help us feel like we belong. They expand what we know. They make us want to stay. They help us thrive.
Thriving relationships don’t come from “time spent” alone. They grow from intentional consistency, authenticity, trust, and psychological safety. From being surrounded by people you care about and who genuinely root for you. From the feeling of being ‘at home’ with colleagues because you can show up as yourself and still be seen, heard, and accepted.
Underneath all of that are just a few core ingredients: humility, generosity, and hope.
I’ve said this before, and I’ll keep saying it: You are just as important as the person across from you. Not more, not less. And networking is not about performing or impressing. It’s about serving the person in front of you. Go out of your way to be generous. Try to give more than you take. It changes the entire dynamic. Continue to give others the benefit of the doubt and stay grounded in what strengthens you.
The Power of Social Connection at Work
When people think about leaving a job, they don’t just think about the duties or the pay. They think about the people they’d leave behind. That tug you feel? That’s what organizational psychologists call embeddedness. And it turns out to be a major buffer against turnover.
Caitlin Porter’s research shows that employees who feel deeply connected to their colleagues, teams, and communities are simply less likely to leave, even when shiny offers come their way. The relationships and shared history matter more than we often admit or even realize.
And network structure matters too. In a meta-analysis published in Journal of Applied Psychology, Porter and colleagues found that employees who occupy central, well-connected positions in instrumental networks (where people exchange information and resources) are less likely to quit. People who hold key expressive positions (friendship-type ties) also enjoy greater support that helps them stay grounded and resilient. In short: who you know, and how you interact with them, shapes both your stability and your growth.
How to Build and Maintain Relationships with Intentionality
Building meaningful connections at work isn’t about collecting' contacts or performing at events. It starts with knowing yourself and honoring the natural rhythm of human relationships. Here are a few gentle guides for approaching networking with more clarity and care (adapted from our theoretical work on the psychology of professional networking):
Be clear about what you’re hoping to grow.
Connection serves different purposes. Maybe you want to learn, maybe you want to feel understood, or maybe you’re exploring new paths. Naming your intention makes your outreach more honest and grounded.
Let relationships unfold at their own pace.
New professional connections often start with simple, concrete exchanges to ‘get the job done’. As trust builds, you naturally move toward generosity and mutual support. Slow growth is real growth.
Pay attention to the fit.
Before investing your energy in a connection, pause and ask whether this person has something meaningful to share with you right now, what you can offer to them, and whether mutual support feels possible. If the fit seems unclear, you can go slow or let it rest. At the same time, remember that not every work relationship will feel easy or aligned right away, and sometimes we’re called to stay in uncomfortable spaces for reasons we can’t yet see. Keep an open mind, recognizing the limits of our perspective. And stay grounded in your own values to navigate those moments with intention.
Nurture the relationships that already feel alive.
We often chase new contacts when what we really need is to tend to the people who already trust us and want us to thrive. Depth beats breadth almost every time.
Why Your Motives Matter
In another research project, Caitlin and I (together with two other colleagues) looked at why people network. The findings were striking.
People who connect with others because they genuinely want to help tend to experience the strongest career outcomes. They are more likely to receive raises, and they report greater meaning, purpose, and work quality. Those who simply enjoy real connection also describe careers that feel authentic and compatible with the rest of their lives.
Meanwhile, heavily strategic motives often backfire. Networking purely to chase opportunities is associated with lower success across many career dimensions. It’s hard to build trust when the focus is self-advancement.
Other motives, like networking out of obligation, may lead to higher salaries and job offers but rarely to fulfillment. And status seeking can bring recognition without necessarily bringing deeper well-being.
Across all these patterns, one truth emerges:
When we root our networking in generosity, curiosity, and authentic connection, we create the conditions for real thriving. We don’t just move forward in our careers; we feel more grounded, energized, and whole. We become better colleagues, better leaders, and better humans. And guess what? As we show up to serve others with genuine care, the benefits have a way of circling back to us, strengthening and expanding our own lives in meaningful ways.
Recommended Readings:
Porter, C. M., & Woo, S. E. (2015). Untangling the networking phenomenon: A dynamic psychological perspective on how and why people network. Journal of Management, 41(5), 1477–1500. https://doi.org/10.1177/0149206315582247
Porter, C. M., Woo, S. E., Alonso, N., & Snyder, G. (2023). Why do people network? Professional networking motives and their implications for networking behaviors and career success. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 142, 1–23. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jvb.2023.103856
Porter, C. M., Woo, S. E., Allen, D. G., & Keith, M. G. (2019). How do instrumental and expressive network positions relate to turnover? A meta-analytic investigation. Journal of Applied Psychology, 104(4), 511–536. https://doi.org/10.1037/apl0000351
Porter, C. M., Woo, S. E., & Campion, M. (2016). Internal and external networking differentially predict turnover through job embeddedness and job offers. Personnel Psychology, 69(3), 635–672. https://doi.org/10.1111/peps.12121