We’re Not Actually Listening to Each Other

We all know how it feels: You're having what you thought was a normal conversation with a friend, a coworker, or even a loved one. Then politics comes up. The air shifts. Tension creeps in. Words get sharper. Maybe voices rise. Maybe someone changes the subject. Maybe someone walks away.

In today’s climate, where political divisions run deep, it can feel almost impossible to have honest conversations across differences. Many people now avoid these discussions altogether. Others dive in only to find themselves in heated arguments that leave everyone feeling worse.

But here’s the truth. Not every political disagreement has to end in silence or shouting. Some hard conversations can actually lead to mutual understanding, deeper respect, and even stronger relationships. The difference often comes down to two overlooked qualities: openness and humility.

Let’s be honest: Most of us enter politically charged conversations with a goal to convince, correct, or defend. We prepare arguments, assume bad intentions, and forget that the person across from us is more than a collection of beliefs. This is where openness and humility make a difference.

Openness means staying curious, even when it’s uncomfortable. It means asking questions not just to expose flaws in the other person’s reasoning, but to understand where they’re coming from. It means being willing to say, “I hadn’t thought of it that way before.”

Humility means recognizing that you don’t have all the answers -- and neither does anyone else. It doesn’t mean watering down your convictions. It means being grounded in your values while still respecting someone else’s lived experience. Resisting the urge to dominate or "win" the conversation. Putting the other person’s needs before your own. Asking yourself, “am I being helpful and loving toward my friend at this moment?”

Together, openness and humility shift the conversation from combat to connection.

Of course, this is easier said than done. We’re all human. Disagreements can hit close to home, especially when they involve issues tied to our core identities. But the good news is that these two qualities are not fixed traits. They can be practiced, and they make a real difference.

Here are a few practical ways to start:

Ask real questions. Try asking, "What led you to that belief?" instead of, "How could you possibly think that?"

Take a breath before reacting. Not every disagreement needs an immediate response.

Focus on shared values. Even when you disagree on policies, you may both care about fairness, safety, or dignity.

Be honest about what you don’t know. Admitting uncertainty can actually build credibility and invite openness in return.

Choose connection over control. Keeping the relationship often matters more than proving a point.

You don’t have to give up your convictions to be open. And you don’t have to stay silent to be humble. What you do need is the courage to show up with curiosity and compassion. None of this guarantees agreement, but that’s not the point. The point is to stay engaged and connected, to make space for understanding, and to resist the forces that keep driving us further apart.

Openness and humility are not just nice ideas. They are essential tools for healing our communities and strengthening our democracy. We cannot keep walking away from each other. If we want to rebuild trust, we have to start talking (and listening!) with both our minds and our hearts open.